How the No Contact Rule Works

You've probably heard of the "no contact rule" if you have been searching the internet for advice on how to get your ex back. It simply states that you should stay away from your ex as long as possible in order to make them miss you.

This is really good advice, especially if you went through a rough breakup. It takes a while for negative feelings to simmer down and even longer for the good memories to surface again. Obviously your gut is telling you to beg and apologize to your ex girlfriend, but none of this will work if they still resent you. So you can see why the no contact rule has its place.

Now I like to throw another element into avoiding contact. I believe you need to stay in their subliminal thoughts and this requires some ninja-like tactics. The short version is getting people in your girlfriend's inner circle to talk about you. Things like where they saw you, who you were with, and what you were up to.

The good news is you are a guy, which means you'll be relying on girls to do the gossiping;) The thing is though, you need to do something newsworthy in order to attract the gossip. Does this mean hooking up with someone new? I don't think that is necessary if you think outside the box. In fact, you might be surprised at how much attention you'll attract by simply having fun.

What about talking to your ex's friends? This can be a powerful weapon if you use it correctly. The first rule is never talk about your ex! You are guaranteed to get questions about her, which is when you politely decline with "I'm not here to talk about that." The best part about having no comment is it can really fuel the rumor mill. But back to her friends for a minute, try having a regular conversation with them. I promise that you will throw them all off their rocker when you end your chat without ever speaking your ex's name.

I'm rambling a bit here but I hope you see the point. Yes, the no contact rule is recommended. However, you can enhance the power of no contact by keeping your name in the news. Find a way to showcase your assets without exposing your true intentions.


d21s21 said...


d21s21 said...

Elliot...OK- I screwed up! I sent her flowers on Friday the day before her Birthday...she comes home to find them waiting for her and says this (copy and pasting from txt) "David I Really appreciate the flowers but I Wish u didn't send them. I need to stop doing this. I'm sorry. I need to stop talking to you." That was Friday. I didn't respond & haven't heard from her until an email I just got now. OK so I originally had the brilliant idea of having the flowers sent to her school where she works. It got screwed up & they weren't delivered to her at school on Friday. After I got that response from her for the other flowers I sent to her apt, I immediately called fed ex go snatch up the flowers at the school. They did it. But she must have gotten a notice at the school saying flowers were sent to her. "Did you send me flowers at school?"
What should I do???

PLEASE PLEASE HELP, Elliot! I'm going crazy..!!!!!!!!!

Jim Lahey said...

you just have to calm down man.

look, i am going through exactly what you are and you know what i've been through this before with the same exact girl.

all it takes is you calming down in order to gain a little perspective on the situation.

1. you aren't going to die without your ex, she is a great gal i'm sure but worst-case scenario there is someone out there who is perfect for you.

2. smothering her is just making her push farther and farther away from you. just back off and give her some space, trust me. she is lonely and missing you too, that's why she needs you to stop doing these things. she was unhappy, so she broke up with you. she needs to get away from you in order to see how much she really needs you. i know, women are nuts.

honestly though, like i said, i have gone through this multiple times with the same girl, these tips were very helpful the first time and if you have any shot i suggest you take my advice.

best of luck to you!

nra95 said...

Ok, me and my girlfriend were dating for almost 3 years and then one day at a party i got drunk and hooked up with her ex best friend that she hated for some while. She started talking to some guy but she even tells me he can be annoying but they kiss and hold hands all the time. Its been almost 2 months since the break up and at first it was hard so i begged a lot and tried to convince her and it didnt work. So ive been laying low and trying my hardest not to talk to her. Yesterday i texted her saying i was sorry and deserved all of this. She said she feels different about me and said maybe one day i can forgive you. She then called me and we talk for an hour and we ended the call with 'i love you' but shes always telling me to move on because thats whats shes trying to do because i hurt her so bad. Prom is coming up in a month and chances are she will go with this guy and idk what to do. Should i cut contact? We have a class togethor and she doesnt sit by me anymore. What should i do?