The 2 Sides of Arguing with Your Ex

Although break ups happen for a variety of different reasons, there is usually a core disagreement that brings on the tidal wave of strong emotions. It might be about money, time spent together, or even commitment. No matter what it is, the arguments that ensue go a long way to determining the fate of the relationship.

There is a competitive side in everyone...that internal desire to be right. It is a natural reactions that ultimately helps us be successful in achieving goals. But when you argue with your partner and both sides are fighting to win the result is you both lose.

Think about the arguments that you've had with your ex girlfriend where you "won". What happened afterwards? It probably took a few days for everyone to cool down - right? So although you proved your point, your relationship took a hit. You raised the defense level of your ex and likely lost some of her trust as well.

When it comes to arguments, the only way to truly win is to lose. Admitting your faults tends to lower the defenses of your partner, which allows them to see how silly the fight really was. This can open up the channels of communication, and often times will let you both laugh about making such a big deal over nothing.

Now I should add that being a push-over won't help you gain any respect, so you have walk a fine line when sensitive issues come up. Stand by your moral code and defend it as necessary, but when it comes to things like "who forgot to wash the dishes" you might find more peace by taking the higher road.

Lastly, keep in mind that presentation is everything. They way you engage your ex about problems sets the precedent for their reaction. Instead of coming out the gate firing away, keep your composure and work on a solution together. For example, mentioning that dirty dishes are a pet peeve of yours might be enough to make your point without causing a firestorm. It is all about the way you communicate.